Pool Girls!!

Thank goodness we have a neighborhood pool! It has been in the 100s here so the girls have been loving the pool. Here a few pool shots from a recent trip. Thank goodness for daddy and the buelos, who take the girls to the pool so I don't have to.

EASTER!

We had a fun time at Easter. Our neighborhood always has an Easter Egg Hunt, so we dressed up and went to that. Thanks Aunt Dalanie for the adorable Easter dresses! My girls are always dressed fab because of Sullivan and Etta's hand me downs. Thanks Uncle Ro!!

Even Max and Lola got in on the fun!! They are giving the Easter bunnies a run for their money!!

Then we had a party with some of our friends and decorated eggs and cupcakes. Yum!!

We also spent the evening at Rosa and Dan's house, having another Easter egg hunt, a fabulous meal and a great time in their beautiful pool. I will try to post those pictures. For some reason I couldn't get them off of my IPhone onto this site. Hmmmm. It was a fun Easter.

Victor Luis' Birthday

I know it has been five months since his birthday, but that is how long it has taken me to sit down and find the time to update everything. As a lot you know, it has been hectic around here. I'll leave it at that.
Here we go with updates....starting with Victor Wee's birthday. I think of him daily. He would be starting kindergarten this September. What a big boy I'd have to help me out around here and be the man of the house! It pains my heart to think of my alternate universe. Remember him as your child goes to school this year.

We went to Victor's parent's house and I decorated a cake for him with things I think he'd like at his age. Here is the finished product. We always get him gifts and let our girls play with them.

The girls enjoy eating their brother's cake. They rushed through dinner to get to his cake as fast as they could!

We write messages to him on balloons each year to send up to heaven to him. He is not forgotten.

Victor's parents have a statue of a little boy in a baseball cap that they bought in honor of their little grandson who would have been in a baseball cap playing in their big backyard. We wanted to take a family picture next to it before we released his balloons.

We all sent the balloons to heaven to let Victor Luis know he is not forgotten and he's still loved. Life goes on, but not without him being included in our lives.

His little bookshelf, the one that was in his room, all ready for him to arrive, is always set up just as it was. We keep it in Victor's office. I look at all his things and the girls are interested in them as well. They certainly know who he is. Each time they see the moon they say "there is Victor Wee's moon!" And the other day a little girl said "i have a brother." and Ava said "i have a brother too." It touches our hearts.

Puerto Rico

We recently visited Victor's grandparents in Puerto Rico. What a beautiful island! I took this picture of the El Yunque Rainforest......the mountains in the background. It was wonderful to hear the sounds of the little Coqui frogs and eat the food. Victor's grandmother, Abuela Neto, fed us well. (Always beans, rice and meat.) Victor picked these star fruit from his Abuela Minina's house. More pics to come.....

The Boys....

It's naptime for Victor and Max........the boys. I see an empty spot Victor Luis should be in don't you? Max loves his daddy and Victor Luis does too!

Everything's Bigger In Texas!

We recently ate at The Gristmill in Gruene, TX and could not resist the Texas size onion rings! They tasted as good as they look!

Sunglasses Baby!!

Sunglasses are a hit around our house! Even Max loves them. Olivia is a trendsetter.....she wears them on her forehead, never her eyes daaling!

More cooking school.....

This time Ava got to take her sister to cooking class with her! They had a great time! Olivia was so happy to get to do such a big girl thing with her sister!

Ava Goes to Cooking Class!

Little Miss Ava and I went to cooking class last week. It was a special bonding time for just the two of us. Ava loves to pull up a chair and help me cook every night. She is just like me in the fact that she has never met a sweet she doesn't like! Fortunately for her they were making cupcakes (her favorite food!) that day. She is such a social butterfly....so friendly. She introduced herself to other kids and asked their names. She interacted with joy with the chefs. She cracked an egg for the first time! She mixed and stirred and even decorated the cupcake in the picture all by herself! Before class we decided she would cut the cupcake in half and share a bite with Liv and daddy......she changed her mind very quickly and decided she needed to eat it all. (Oh is she her mother's daughter!) We managed to save Liv one bite. She proudly offered it to her when we returned home and Olivia squealed with delight over that one bite. More cooking classes in our future!

First Day of "School"!

Last week was Olivia's first day at "school" (aka Mother's Day Out). She and her sister attend together now! It is a small little daycare where they are allowed in the same room and have daily activities like art, calendar, weather, reading, etc. They play a lot too. They go twice a week. Olivia was very brave, but she still cried for me a lot. It will take some time for her to get used to it. Me too. I dropped by a few times to check on things. Good thing big sister Ava is there to strangle, I mean, comfort her! In all seriousness, Ava did try to comfort Liv. It is good for them as well as ME!

Book Review

I am writing a review about the book "Heaven Is For Real" because I can't speak about it. Here is the story of how I came to read this book, what I think of it and why I can't speak about it.
When we went to Arkansas a few weeks ago Victor and I were at Victor Luis' gravesite. I was feeling this panic feeling I get when I let myself truly think about where my son is. As parents we always know where our children are and some of us panic a bit when we leave them for extended periods of time. I know I do with Ava and Olivia. It always makes me feel better when I can call whomever they are with to get an update on what they are doing. I can't do that with Victor Luis. I can't just call or skype to get an update on how he is or who he's with or what he's doing. I have no idea. I sit and look at his headstone and wonder what his reality really is. It is so upsetting to me. It rips my heart apart. It makes me panic for my son.
I was talking out loud to him and expressing how I wish so badly that I knew where he was, who he was with, and what his reality is. I said I wished I could just get a little glimpse of it. One tiny glimpse to help calm that feeling that I am forced to walk around with. Yes, I know some of you are saying, he's with God in Heaven and he's alright....you know where he is.....you shouldn't panic. I want to believe that, and I think I do, but that truly doesn't calm a mother who does not know her son's reality. Is he still a baby? Is he is a big boy? What does he do all day? What is he doing right then and there when I am eating my toast in the morning? My guts and soul ache to have control of that and knowledge of that.
When we returned from the cemetery that day I needed to get my mind elsewhere so I checked my email. I happened to glance down and noticed a news clip of a little boy who had gone to heaven and had written a book to tell about it. Was this my answer from Victor Luis? Was he trying to let me know his reality so it would help calm me? I got chills and clicked on the icon.
I began to cry as I listened to this little boy's story. I sat in total disbelief when he said he had met his sister who had died before he was born (his mother had miscarried and had never told him about it) in heaven. How close to home was this? I wanted to read the book to learn what this little boy says heaven is like. Myabe this was Victor Luis' way of letting me know.
I put it off though. I was so afraid to read it. I was afraid it would be a scam. I was afraid I would read it and be disappointed. I don't like being toyed with when it comes to my son. As some of you know, I am highly skeptical of religion now. I used to know my belief system and now I don't. I have become a religious skeptic. Synical. I am mad at God still. I struggle to know what I believe anymore. I WANT to believe. I want this book to be a message from my son. It seems like he was giving me my answer with this book.
I finally got the courage to buy the book and read it. I cried so hard when I read how medical malpractice nearly killed this 4 year old boy in the month of March (the month my son DID die from medical malpractice!!!) That was eerie....a connection. It gave me chills when the boy said he met his stillborn sister in heaven. That spoke to my needs didn't it? But after having read the book, even with all those signs and connections, I still don't really feel like I believe it. I don't have that feeling in my heart that it is true. I think the little boy may be making up big tales or his parents may be reading into things he's saying. I can't put my finger on it. I just can't say that I believe this book to be a true insight into where my son is. I cannot get past some the "tall tale" aspects of it. Some parts are convincing and then all of a sudden another part would make me say "yeah right." So, please read it for yourselves and see what you think.
I know it seems that I should believe it b/c it seems like Victor Luis told me to read it, but I just can't. I need more. I need more proof.
The reason I can't discuss the book is because it is too emotional for me. It is hard for me to talk about some of these things I wrote. It seems I wrote a lot today, but not nearly what is truly in my heart. I am skimming the surface b/c I know if I get too deep into the loss of my son and HOW we lost him and where is, etc. I could fall off the edge of a cliff and never be able to climb back up. I could get really depressed about it and possibly never stop crying. Sometimes not uttering the words is my best protection. I just can't speak about it, but I can write about it. I can always speak about my son though. All parents can smile when speaking of their children. I love him and I am proud of him. None of this mess is his fault for sure.
I want to close by putting the warning out there, once again, to never, ever fully, blindly trust any doctor. You need to know yourself and follow your instincts!! Never be afraid to argue with a health care professional or to disagree with them. They are not always right. They are not superhuman. They don't always know best. YOU know best when it comes to yourself and your loved ones. Speak up and demand proper care!!! If I had been proactive and not blindly turned myself and my son over to the doctor because "he knows best" Victor Luis would be alive today. That is a hard fact to swallow. Never let that happen to you or your loved ones.

Mamaw and Papaw's House!

The girls love to spend time at Mamaw and Papaw's house! They rule the roost on the farm! Papaw rides them on his lawn mower, lets them pretend to drive his truck, pretend to fish out of his boat, and takes them to see the horses! Mamaw makes sure they have tons of fun toys, plays with them, and reads them lots of books. They also take them many fun places and show them off.

After all that playing and bossing mamaw and papaw around it wears them out and they have to rest! It's a hard knock life, but somebody has to do it!

Lynn and Ronnie

We recently took a trip to Arkansas and while there we stopped by Hot Springs to see our dear friends Lynn and Ronnie (obviously not pictured). They cooked an amazing dinner for us and we laughed all night and had a great time. Lynn is the owner/director of the Mrs. Arkansas Pageant and has been my friend for many, many years. She and Ron are like family. Thanks for the hospitality! We had fun! The girls loved Uncle Ronnie and Auntie Lynn!

That Uncle GO!

Uncle "GO" (uncle ro) is such an amazing photographer. He captures real moments in time, not posed pictures. This is a picture of Olivia one morning, messy hair, still in pjs. I love it! I wonder what she was thinking as she looked right at his camera?

Our Trip To Italy!

For three weeks in Jan/Feb we were able to tag along with Victor to Naples, Italy. Victor had some flying work to do there with the Italians and the girls and I gladly went with him!
Victor went a few days ahead of us to secure things for our arrival. We stayed on the Naval Base in Naples....at the foot of Mt. Vesuvius! Our apartment was very large with two bedrooms, two baths, a full kitchen, huge living room, balcony, and laundry room. That laundry room is a story in and of itself! I have never seen such a tiny waher and dryer! It only fit one outfit....no joke. It ran on steam so you had to empty water trays and the dials were in Italian so I had no idea what was what. If I accidentally made it work, there was no opening the door to add a missed sock....it was locked until it finished....and I am not lying here........5-7 hours later! One day I spent 7 hours drying one pair of jeans! Ok, enough of that!
Yes, I flew solo with Ava and Olivia!! Can you believe it!! It was a 4 hour flight to Atlanta and then a 9 hour flight to Rome....and a one hour flight to Naples. The girls were perfect! They ate, played and slept. I kept telling myself it was much like driving on a long trip in a car, except more comfy!
It took us a while to adjust to the time difference. Once we did, we hit the road running. We ate everything in sight! I'd say our staples each day were fresh mozzerella, pizza, pasta, (cappucino for Victor and me), and tons of pastries. Every morsel we put in our mouths was amazing! The fruit over there is soooooooo sweet! Like it is soaked in sugar. The coffee was amazing. Nutella is all the rage! The wine was awesome!!! The smoking was not! It seemed like everyone smoked. UGH! The weird thing is that every single restuarant we went to, be it fancy or average, had tv monitors playing American rap music from the 80's, 90's and today! Let me tell you mutha fu**ers, it was strangely comforting to hear something familiar. :)
We went to historic sights in Naples and Rome. It blew my mind the history there and the fact that others had built those buildings thousands of years ago and they were still standing! How did they do that so long ago?  The castles are so huge I could not believe it. The fountains so grand... they are beautiful. Everything there is done on such a large scale....such grandious detail! Undescribable...pictures do it no justice. My words fall short.
The best is for last.....the shopping!!!!! I am talking shopping at the street markets. Amazing prices and amazing fun! They had real Italian leather boots for 10 euros....that is like $15!!! We went nuts!
The girls had a blast. They were amazing and well behaved.....in their jacked up stroller! ha! They loved the food too. They enjoyed the language and the people. They got lots of attention. Everyone asked if they were twins....ha. Yes, we fed one and not the other....ha.
 Italians were so nice and most spoke English. The sense of style there is amazing! I loved people watching. The women smelled so good! There is a certain laid back way of life that I breathed in. I certainly took away a lot from Italy. I am in love with it! Thank you Victor for showing us the world!
 Oh, on the trip back Victor flew home with us and it went very well....those girls of ours are little travelers....they love adventures and experiencing new things.....they will eat anywhere and sleep anywhere! (Let me brag a little!)
Here are a few pics. It was very cold and wet there. We rigged our double stroller using plastic and hair clips....sooooo classy....the Italians loved it! I couldn't tell if they thought we might be Brad and Angelina or if they were coveting the custom made stroller our children luxuriously traveled in!  It was the only way to keep the girls warm and dry, ok? We walked everywhere....in my Italian leather boots....brrrrrrr!