Book Review

I am writing a review about the book "Heaven Is For Real" because I can't speak about it. Here is the story of how I came to read this book, what I think of it and why I can't speak about it.
When we went to Arkansas a few weeks ago Victor and I were at Victor Luis' gravesite. I was feeling this panic feeling I get when I let myself truly think about where my son is. As parents we always know where our children are and some of us panic a bit when we leave them for extended periods of time. I know I do with Ava and Olivia. It always makes me feel better when I can call whomever they are with to get an update on what they are doing. I can't do that with Victor Luis. I can't just call or skype to get an update on how he is or who he's with or what he's doing. I have no idea. I sit and look at his headstone and wonder what his reality really is. It is so upsetting to me. It rips my heart apart. It makes me panic for my son.
I was talking out loud to him and expressing how I wish so badly that I knew where he was, who he was with, and what his reality is. I said I wished I could just get a little glimpse of it. One tiny glimpse to help calm that feeling that I am forced to walk around with. Yes, I know some of you are saying, he's with God in Heaven and he's alright....you know where he is.....you shouldn't panic. I want to believe that, and I think I do, but that truly doesn't calm a mother who does not know her son's reality. Is he still a baby? Is he is a big boy? What does he do all day? What is he doing right then and there when I am eating my toast in the morning? My guts and soul ache to have control of that and knowledge of that.
When we returned from the cemetery that day I needed to get my mind elsewhere so I checked my email. I happened to glance down and noticed a news clip of a little boy who had gone to heaven and had written a book to tell about it. Was this my answer from Victor Luis? Was he trying to let me know his reality so it would help calm me? I got chills and clicked on the icon.
I began to cry as I listened to this little boy's story. I sat in total disbelief when he said he had met his sister who had died before he was born (his mother had miscarried and had never told him about it) in heaven. How close to home was this? I wanted to read the book to learn what this little boy says heaven is like. Myabe this was Victor Luis' way of letting me know.
I put it off though. I was so afraid to read it. I was afraid it would be a scam. I was afraid I would read it and be disappointed. I don't like being toyed with when it comes to my son. As some of you know, I am highly skeptical of religion now. I used to know my belief system and now I don't. I have become a religious skeptic. Synical. I am mad at God still. I struggle to know what I believe anymore. I WANT to believe. I want this book to be a message from my son. It seems like he was giving me my answer with this book.
I finally got the courage to buy the book and read it. I cried so hard when I read how medical malpractice nearly killed this 4 year old boy in the month of March (the month my son DID die from medical malpractice!!!) That was eerie....a connection. It gave me chills when the boy said he met his stillborn sister in heaven. That spoke to my needs didn't it? But after having read the book, even with all those signs and connections, I still don't really feel like I believe it. I don't have that feeling in my heart that it is true. I think the little boy may be making up big tales or his parents may be reading into things he's saying. I can't put my finger on it. I just can't say that I believe this book to be a true insight into where my son is. I cannot get past some the "tall tale" aspects of it. Some parts are convincing and then all of a sudden another part would make me say "yeah right." So, please read it for yourselves and see what you think.
I know it seems that I should believe it b/c it seems like Victor Luis told me to read it, but I just can't. I need more. I need more proof.
The reason I can't discuss the book is because it is too emotional for me. It is hard for me to talk about some of these things I wrote. It seems I wrote a lot today, but not nearly what is truly in my heart. I am skimming the surface b/c I know if I get too deep into the loss of my son and HOW we lost him and where is, etc. I could fall off the edge of a cliff and never be able to climb back up. I could get really depressed about it and possibly never stop crying. Sometimes not uttering the words is my best protection. I just can't speak about it, but I can write about it. I can always speak about my son though. All parents can smile when speaking of their children. I love him and I am proud of him. None of this mess is his fault for sure.
I want to close by putting the warning out there, once again, to never, ever fully, blindly trust any doctor. You need to know yourself and follow your instincts!! Never be afraid to argue with a health care professional or to disagree with them. They are not always right. They are not superhuman. They don't always know best. YOU know best when it comes to yourself and your loved ones. Speak up and demand proper care!!! If I had been proactive and not blindly turned myself and my son over to the doctor because "he knows best" Victor Luis would be alive today. That is a hard fact to swallow. Never let that happen to you or your loved ones.